Falling in love...

Trying to gain more prospective...better myself...do what it takes to strengthen my marriage...I have listened to many of my friends and got a copy of "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman off of Amazon. So far I'm at least intrigued.

The premise of the book is that there are five languages of that we speak. And one of the five is the language we need to hear in order for our "Love Tank" to be full. Those languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. The end of the book there is an assessment to help you determine what your love language is...and there is one for your spouse to complete. The author states that in order to full our spouses love tank to give them fulfillment in love is to learn to speak their language...and vice versa.

The book goes through what each of these languages mean and what you can do to learn to speak a specific language. It also helps you gain a better understanding of the language you need to hear. But before the author goes in to these languages, he discusses love and what it is...and what it takes to keep a love tank full...and he has a chapter dedicated to falling in love. This is the chapter that I read last night.

The author refers to some research that states that falling in love is not really love...it's more a state of a euphoria. This immediately made me say "Huh? How is falling in love not real love? Isn't love just that? Love?" He goes further to say that once a couple gets past the falling in love stage (said to last about two years) that is when the work for that real love starts...this is also when people don't realize that you have to work for love and they give up. He gave three reasons why it is said that falling in love isn't really love.

1. Falling in love is not an act of will or a conscious choice.
   
2. Falling in love is not real love because it is effortless.


3. One who is "in love" in not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person.

This got me to thinking. I met my husband back in high school, though we dated off and on for two years before we became a permanent item, I remember being in that state of falling in love. I don't really recall making the transition from falling in love to loving him, but I can recall times in the past 16 years that both of us have stopped working on loving the other person. We are in one of those spots now.

It's not that we don't love each other because we do...but that love that is needed to endure anything is what we are learning to do again. It's not easy to be here but we are both working on it. "Nothing will work unless you do" ~ Maya Angelou is the quote that I came across many months ago and I have made that my status message on GoogleTalk. It is my constant reminder to keep my end of the bargin to be a better wife and to work on that third point, to make sure that I am doing my part to help my husband be a better husband.

We are working on that "real love" that Mr. Chapman spends the rest of his book talking about. I'm hoping that once I'm done that I can talk my husband in to reading this book as well, but for now...I'm just waiting for him to ask me what I'm reading.

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days...

Sometimes I'm mesmerized at how my parents and grandparents made growing up and older appear so seamless and easy...as a child, I don't ever remember seeing my parents hit any major bumps. I know as children we were protected from seeing problems, but by time I was old enough to notice...things seem to be ironed out. So why is it that these days...seamless and easy...aren't even part of my everyday vocabulary?

During both eulogies for my grandparents the pastor dedicated a large portion of his talk about how my grandparents were true partners. They were each other's greatest compliments. They challenged each other from completing the daily crossword puzzle first to last minute entertaining of many dinner guests. My grandfather was a lawyer, law professor and dean...but I'm told that he always said his biggest challenge would be if her were to meet up with my Grandmother in a court room. The stories I'm told are of a perfect love affair that lasted beyond the 60 years they were married.

I'm sitting at home tonight...Josh is gone on a trip with his brother and both boys are asleep...and I'm listening to music feeling reflective. Thinking about the things going on in my life...taking and assessment that I am truly doing everything I can to make each day better that the one before. The song Grandpa begins to play...and I think about how I would love to sit down with my grandpa and say:

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like, this worlds gone crazy.
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy.

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wonder back into the past
Paint me a picture of long ago.

I would then ask:

Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
And stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept?
Not just something they would say and then forget?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?

Oh Grandpa...tell me 'bout the good old days......

What I Learned This Week

I saw this over on Jess's page...and figured it's been a while since I've done this.

I've learned that "sometimes...there's those times...it's gotta be you."

I've learned that when I feel like I'm at the end of my rope...I can alway find more patience stored away to hang on just a little longer.

I've learned that butterflies will always be butterflies.

I've learned once again that I have really awesome friends!

I've learned that laughter truly is a great medicine.

I've learned that smacking someone in the ass with a volleyball generates great laughter!

I've learned that no matter how closely I watch her in the yard...Cede will always come up with a frog to eat.

I've learned that the sun is another good medicine.

I've learned that no matter what...the things that calm you...will forever calm you.

I'm alive and well...

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard

Everybody’s got their share of battle scars

As for me I’d like to think my lucky stars

thatI’m alive, and well

Life’s been hard…and I’m not quite sure the wounds have scarred up yet…but yes…I’m alive and can honestly say I’m doing well…

It’d be easy to add up all the pain

And all the dreams you set and watch go up in flames

Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain

But not me, I’m alive

There’s a time in life when you have to realize that new dreams need to be made. To me that doesn’t mean drastic changes. There’s no need to pack up and move, no need to seek out new friends, and no need to abandon the life you have come to know. A drastic change can come from an attitude adjustment, admitting faults to begin righting wrongs, or simply offering forgiveness. That would require you not to dwell on the things that have gone wrong, so that you can move forward…

Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight

It’s good for the soul, and there’s not a sole in
sight

But this motors caught it wind and brought me back to
life

Now I’m alive, and well

Life…Love…the hope and potential for happiness once again has been seen and felt. My sails are once again full. My energy for life is back!

And today you know that’s good enough for me

Breathing in and out is a blessing can’t you
see

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

Now I’m alive, and well

Yeah I’m alive, and well

The fact that I can say that I’m alive and well is a blessing. It is more than a blessing. The feeling of fresh air in my lungs gives me the courage to face what lies ahead.