Nine and a half years ago, my world was turned upsided down when my grandmother called me at work to let me know that my father just died in a car accident. To this day, I still miss him and tear up in my moments alone thinking about him. I also smile and laugh when people reminice about his antics or we are someplace that we knew Dad would love. It is my belief that he is in a better place, and I can do nothing but rejoice in that.
I was never really close with my grandmother. We visited often as kids; Dad would take us to their house a lot of the weekends when Mom was working. We'd talk with Grandma for bit, but then head into the woods, out to the tool shed or up to the pasture/garden with Grandpa. Some of my best memories at their house involved spending time with Grandpa. So, it didn't really surprise me when Grandma and I grew even further apart after Dad died. I still drug my family to every picnic and Christmas Eve...this was my father's family...this was my connection to him.
I was sad and grieved when my mother called to say that Grandpa had passed away. But what made his death hurt even worse was that I felt I lost another part of my father. Josh tried to comfort me with the reminder that Grandpa was now in Heaven with Dad. It helped but my spirit was still crushed. We all said that Grandma will probably go shortly after him...or in spite of us all...will live another 5 years...And that she did! :-)
Back in October, the phone calls went around that Grandma was in the hospital and not doing well. Mom had visited and advised that us kids should go and visit as well. In 86 years, Grandma had survived colon and breast cancer...and the outcome was that the cancer was back. She was too weak to withstand chemo or radiation. So the plan was set...she just wanted to go home...and her wish was granted.
This year's Thanksgiving was an odd one...or should I say different. My dad's older sister and her two daughters joined us for the first time ever (that I can remember). They had stopped and visited Grandma on the way. Their report was not a good one. Grandma was not expected to make it through the weekend. We spent the evening talking about my grandparents and my father...and how to most of my father's siblings and my grandparents, death was approached with nothing but fear. Fear and devastation.
It was once said by my grandpa that you're never know true devastation until you have to bury your own child. Death was never talked about, nor were the people who have died. I don't recall ever hearing my grandparents saying my father's name after his death. And while I only saw my grandma twice a year, I don't recall ever hearing her say a word about grandpa in the last five years. Only my one aunt would really talk to me about my dad, and she was the one who was at Mom's tonight.
Knowing my aunt's report on Grandma, a quiet anxiety overcame me. I ate dinner, but I don't really remember it. I drank probably a little more wine than I should have while playing a pathetic game of dominos.
My anxiety was replaced by deep grief when my phone rang at 8:30 this evening and seeing that it was my oldest aunt, that would never just call me. Grandma passed away around 7:15 tonight. I love my Grandma...I am deeply saddened by her passing...and as I stated above rejoice that she is in a better place now...a place with my father and grandfather.
But now I cannot sleep...tears keep coming...I once again have lost another part of my father and it is crushing me. Tonight, I had a great time with my aunt and cousins...it's a reminder that parts of my father are still around for me to be thankful for and enjoy. This is something that will get me to move forward am definitely thankful for...
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Update from Josh...
Here is an update on the child Josh helped out last week.
His name is Deagen!
As promised, I called the police department this morning and was able to get through to Officer Charlie Negret (I spelled his name wrong in my last email). Officer Negret was the first responder to my little guy yesterday. He said that shortly after the female officer left to take Deagen to DHS (which was right after I left the scene), his grandmother, in a panic, came hustling up the street looking for her grandson. The grandmother has full custody of Deagen. Finally, a positive sign that someone was looking for him! Officer Negret said she hurried up to him and was frantically asking if he could help her find her grandson. Coincidently, that’s why he was there! Officer Negret asked her to describe the child to him, just to be certain it was the same little guy. Thankfully, her description matched that of Deagen, who had just left a few minutes before in a squad car. Officer Negret informed the grandmother that her grandson was found safe, but was unsupervised, underdressed and alone. Upon asking the grandmother how Deagen ended up in that situation, the grandmother said that she was watching the little guy, as she normally does every day, and needed to run to the grocery store. She left her 20 year old granddaughter in charge of watching Deagen while she was at the store. The grandmother said she was only gone for 30 - 45 minutes and when she returned home, some three blocks away from where I found Deagen, she discovered the granddaughter was “passed out” on the couch and Deagen was no where to be found. When I asked Officer Negret what “passed out” meant, he said he couldn’t go into any deals, but said the granddaughter was not responsive at first when he arrived at the house. Officer Negret had accompanied the grandmother back to her house (again three blocks away! It breaks my heart to know that Deagen was meandering around for who knows how long over the course of three blocks!) to question the granddaughter. I guess it took the granddaughter a few minutes to become coherent. He said he couldn’t tell me much more because an investigation is pending, but he said he issued an on-the-spot incident report and recommended an investigation be opened. I then asked him if Deagen was able to go home and he told me that Deagen was still at DHS until they can determine that the grandmother is capable and the living conditions (I’m assuming he meant the granddaughter and why she was not coherent) were suitable for a toddler to be in.
Sigh….so that means my little guy is still waiting to go home. I pray to God that everything works out and he gets to go home soon. I can only imagine what all of this must be like for him. From being left pretty much unattended, to having strangers huddled all around him trying to help, to being whisked away in a police cruiser, to having to wait to go back to what he knows as home. I don’t mean to be such a downer about this story, as the happy ending is that Deagen’s family was found, but the overtone that his home life isn’t what it should be (in my opinion) is saddening. Instead of being upset (more like livid) at the granddaughter for being so irresponsible, I’m trying to stay positive and hope and pray that everything works out for Deagen to go home soon.
Deagen, I know you’re out there little guy; hang in there! Don’t be scared, you have an army of people praying for you!
His name is Deagen!
As promised, I called the police department this morning and was able to get through to Officer Charlie Negret (I spelled his name wrong in my last email). Officer Negret was the first responder to my little guy yesterday. He said that shortly after the female officer left to take Deagen to DHS (which was right after I left the scene), his grandmother, in a panic, came hustling up the street looking for her grandson. The grandmother has full custody of Deagen. Finally, a positive sign that someone was looking for him! Officer Negret said she hurried up to him and was frantically asking if he could help her find her grandson. Coincidently, that’s why he was there! Officer Negret asked her to describe the child to him, just to be certain it was the same little guy. Thankfully, her description matched that of Deagen, who had just left a few minutes before in a squad car. Officer Negret informed the grandmother that her grandson was found safe, but was unsupervised, underdressed and alone. Upon asking the grandmother how Deagen ended up in that situation, the grandmother said that she was watching the little guy, as she normally does every day, and needed to run to the grocery store. She left her 20 year old granddaughter in charge of watching Deagen while she was at the store. The grandmother said she was only gone for 30 - 45 minutes and when she returned home, some three blocks away from where I found Deagen, she discovered the granddaughter was “passed out” on the couch and Deagen was no where to be found. When I asked Officer Negret what “passed out” meant, he said he couldn’t go into any deals, but said the granddaughter was not responsive at first when he arrived at the house. Officer Negret had accompanied the grandmother back to her house (again three blocks away! It breaks my heart to know that Deagen was meandering around for who knows how long over the course of three blocks!) to question the granddaughter. I guess it took the granddaughter a few minutes to become coherent. He said he couldn’t tell me much more because an investigation is pending, but he said he issued an on-the-spot incident report and recommended an investigation be opened. I then asked him if Deagen was able to go home and he told me that Deagen was still at DHS until they can determine that the grandmother is capable and the living conditions (I’m assuming he meant the granddaughter and why she was not coherent) were suitable for a toddler to be in.
Sigh….so that means my little guy is still waiting to go home. I pray to God that everything works out and he gets to go home soon. I can only imagine what all of this must be like for him. From being left pretty much unattended, to having strangers huddled all around him trying to help, to being whisked away in a police cruiser, to having to wait to go back to what he knows as home. I don’t mean to be such a downer about this story, as the happy ending is that Deagen’s family was found, but the overtone that his home life isn’t what it should be (in my opinion) is saddening. Instead of being upset (more like livid) at the granddaughter for being so irresponsible, I’m trying to stay positive and hope and pray that everything works out for Deagen to go home soon.
Deagen, I know you’re out there little guy; hang in there! Don’t be scared, you have an army of people praying for you!
Friday, November 21, 2008
My Amazing Husband...
Josh sent me this e-mail yesterday...I have married an amazing man...The kids and I are blessed.
Enjoy!
Have you ever had that twinge feeling in your gut that something about a certain situation just doesn't seem right? You will not believe what happened on my run today…
I was out for my normal Thursday run over lunch. Today's route was going to be up Grand Ave to 63rd St. and back for an easy 8 miles. As I was approaching the corner of 40th and Grand, I noticed a little boy, probably no older than 3 and about the same size as Ty, standing on the corner of 41st and Grand. He was looking out at Grand Ave. I quickly scanned the area and there was no one else around; no other kids, no adults….nothing. As I continued my approach to the corner he was standing on, he started to slowly walk towards Grand Ave, like maybe he was going to try and cross the street! I thought, "Is that little guy going to try and cross the street?!?!". Sure enough, he kept inching towards Grand, you know how little kids do all timid and unsure. I was about half a block from him and just started sprinting fearing the worst. Realizing I wasn't going to make it to him by the time he reached the street, I jumped out on Grand Ave in the right-most on-coming traffic lane, waving my arms for traffic to move to the other lane and started yelling at the little guy. I was yelling for him to stop and wait for me. There is a large tree that partially blocks the view of cars at that corner, so I'm sure the oncoming drivers were wondering what the heck I was doing in traffic all the while not being able to see the little guy heading towards the street. I was getting honked and swerved at and I think one lady flipped me off. I got to the toddler right as he reached the curb and was able to grab him by the armpit and pull him back from the street. I couldn't believe it! This little boy, all by himself, was trying to cross Grand Ave in the middle of the day!! I looked around in a mild panic for his parents, or anyone for that matter, and didn't see anyone. I squatted down in front of the little guy and asked him where is parents where and his response was, "where's my mommy?" I felt so bad for him, he was obviously scared and cold, all he had on was a light coat over a short sleeve shirt (unzipped), warm-up pants and shoes with no socks. I asked him again where his mommy or daddy was and I got the same response, "where's my mommy?" After I zipped up his coat and gave him my stocking cap, I tried a different approach and asked him to show me where he lived and he pointed to the apartment building behind us, on the corner of 41st and Grand. About that time, a car had stopped and two older ladies got out; they had seen me yelling, waving and running in the road and asked if everything was OK. I explained to them the situation and together we all walked over to the apartment building the little guy had pointed at. I held his hand as we walked and kept trying to get him to tell me his name or where his parents were, but I kept getting the same response, "where's my mommy?" When we got the door of the apartment building, it was security locked, so I started ringing everyone's apartment on the call box. After two or three unanswered calls from apartments, a man answered and I explained the situation to him. Even though he was adamant that no children lived in the building, I was able to convince him to let us in to the entry way because it was cold. The man buzzed us in and met us in the entry way and I asked him if the little guy looked familiar or if there was anyone in the building that might be babysitting. Just hoping for something to help us figure out where the little guy's parents were. But, to no avail, none of us could figure out where he belonged. I even tried knocking on the other apartment doors with the little guy in tow just in case anyone recognized him. No on did. He was lost. I took the little guy back to the entry way where the two older gals and I decided it was time to call the police. As one of the gals, Karen, made the call, I was finally able to get the little guy to talk to me. I had him sit next to me on the stairs and I asked him if he liked Thomas the Train. Just like that, he started going on and on about his favorite engine, Edward. It reminded me a lot of when Spencer would light up and talk for minutes on end about Thomas and his friends. With him on a roll about trains and talking up a storm now, I tried one last time to get his name, but he didn't answer. He just asked me if I knew where his mommy was. It was heartbreaking to hear his little voice asking that question over and over. In the time it took the first officer to arrive, the little guy and I had covered Thomas, Bob the Builder, Spiderman and Batman. I had seen the cop car go by on Grand from the entry way, so I went out to flag the cop down. The cop parked on 41st and in the time it took us to get from his squad car back to the apartment building, I had filled him in on everything I knew. Including the near disaster that could have been had the little guy gotten into the street. I was actually surprised at how sympathetic the police officer, Officer Charlie Hegert, sounded and by the time we got to the entry way, he had already radioed for another unit to join him; an officer that specializes in lost little kids. And sure enough, after a few minutes another officer joined us at the apartment building. The female officer started right in with talking to the little guy and earning his trust (it was actually pretty amazing to see first-hand how quickly she connected with the little guy). She gave the little guy a sticker and let him give her a high five (I had told her that I had him give my five earlier to show he could trust me). Both officers took my contact information down, as well as the other two older ladies that had stopped. As a last ditch effort before taking the little guy to DHS, I helped the two officers knock on doors of the adjoining apartment building behind the one we were in. Just in case the little guy had wondered away from there. No luck. He was still lost. I waited as the female officer loaded the little guy into a toddler seat in the back of her cruiser before I headed back downtown.
I was actually saddened by the whole experience. From the rush of preventing a horrible accident, to the shocking reality that this little boy was really lost, to the sadness of not being able to find the boys parents and ending with hearing the officer refer to the little guy as "Little John Doe" over the radio. As I was walking away from the female officer's car, I told her that the one thing that bothers me the most about the whole situation was that in the 40 minutes I had been there, there was no one running around wild and frantic yelling the boy's name in a panic looking for him. She responded by thanking me for stopping to help, stating that some people would've just kept running by. She said to me, "It's nice to know that there are still some people out there putting faith back into humanity".
Those words rang in my head all the way back to the office. I'm going to call DMPD tomorrow and ask if the little guy's family had been located or if someone has come forward.
Enjoy!
Have you ever had that twinge feeling in your gut that something about a certain situation just doesn't seem right? You will not believe what happened on my run today…
I was out for my normal Thursday run over lunch. Today's route was going to be up Grand Ave to 63rd St. and back for an easy 8 miles. As I was approaching the corner of 40th and Grand, I noticed a little boy, probably no older than 3 and about the same size as Ty, standing on the corner of 41st and Grand. He was looking out at Grand Ave. I quickly scanned the area and there was no one else around; no other kids, no adults….nothing. As I continued my approach to the corner he was standing on, he started to slowly walk towards Grand Ave, like maybe he was going to try and cross the street! I thought, "Is that little guy going to try and cross the street?!?!". Sure enough, he kept inching towards Grand, you know how little kids do all timid and unsure. I was about half a block from him and just started sprinting fearing the worst. Realizing I wasn't going to make it to him by the time he reached the street, I jumped out on Grand Ave in the right-most on-coming traffic lane, waving my arms for traffic to move to the other lane and started yelling at the little guy. I was yelling for him to stop and wait for me. There is a large tree that partially blocks the view of cars at that corner, so I'm sure the oncoming drivers were wondering what the heck I was doing in traffic all the while not being able to see the little guy heading towards the street. I was getting honked and swerved at and I think one lady flipped me off. I got to the toddler right as he reached the curb and was able to grab him by the armpit and pull him back from the street. I couldn't believe it! This little boy, all by himself, was trying to cross Grand Ave in the middle of the day!! I looked around in a mild panic for his parents, or anyone for that matter, and didn't see anyone. I squatted down in front of the little guy and asked him where is parents where and his response was, "where's my mommy?" I felt so bad for him, he was obviously scared and cold, all he had on was a light coat over a short sleeve shirt (unzipped), warm-up pants and shoes with no socks. I asked him again where his mommy or daddy was and I got the same response, "where's my mommy?" After I zipped up his coat and gave him my stocking cap, I tried a different approach and asked him to show me where he lived and he pointed to the apartment building behind us, on the corner of 41st and Grand. About that time, a car had stopped and two older ladies got out; they had seen me yelling, waving and running in the road and asked if everything was OK. I explained to them the situation and together we all walked over to the apartment building the little guy had pointed at. I held his hand as we walked and kept trying to get him to tell me his name or where his parents were, but I kept getting the same response, "where's my mommy?" When we got the door of the apartment building, it was security locked, so I started ringing everyone's apartment on the call box. After two or three unanswered calls from apartments, a man answered and I explained the situation to him. Even though he was adamant that no children lived in the building, I was able to convince him to let us in to the entry way because it was cold. The man buzzed us in and met us in the entry way and I asked him if the little guy looked familiar or if there was anyone in the building that might be babysitting. Just hoping for something to help us figure out where the little guy's parents were. But, to no avail, none of us could figure out where he belonged. I even tried knocking on the other apartment doors with the little guy in tow just in case anyone recognized him. No on did. He was lost. I took the little guy back to the entry way where the two older gals and I decided it was time to call the police. As one of the gals, Karen, made the call, I was finally able to get the little guy to talk to me. I had him sit next to me on the stairs and I asked him if he liked Thomas the Train. Just like that, he started going on and on about his favorite engine, Edward. It reminded me a lot of when Spencer would light up and talk for minutes on end about Thomas and his friends. With him on a roll about trains and talking up a storm now, I tried one last time to get his name, but he didn't answer. He just asked me if I knew where his mommy was. It was heartbreaking to hear his little voice asking that question over and over. In the time it took the first officer to arrive, the little guy and I had covered Thomas, Bob the Builder, Spiderman and Batman. I had seen the cop car go by on Grand from the entry way, so I went out to flag the cop down. The cop parked on 41st and in the time it took us to get from his squad car back to the apartment building, I had filled him in on everything I knew. Including the near disaster that could have been had the little guy gotten into the street. I was actually surprised at how sympathetic the police officer, Officer Charlie Hegert, sounded and by the time we got to the entry way, he had already radioed for another unit to join him; an officer that specializes in lost little kids. And sure enough, after a few minutes another officer joined us at the apartment building. The female officer started right in with talking to the little guy and earning his trust (it was actually pretty amazing to see first-hand how quickly she connected with the little guy). She gave the little guy a sticker and let him give her a high five (I had told her that I had him give my five earlier to show he could trust me). Both officers took my contact information down, as well as the other two older ladies that had stopped. As a last ditch effort before taking the little guy to DHS, I helped the two officers knock on doors of the adjoining apartment building behind the one we were in. Just in case the little guy had wondered away from there. No luck. He was still lost. I waited as the female officer loaded the little guy into a toddler seat in the back of her cruiser before I headed back downtown.
I was actually saddened by the whole experience. From the rush of preventing a horrible accident, to the shocking reality that this little boy was really lost, to the sadness of not being able to find the boys parents and ending with hearing the officer refer to the little guy as "Little John Doe" over the radio. As I was walking away from the female officer's car, I told her that the one thing that bothers me the most about the whole situation was that in the 40 minutes I had been there, there was no one running around wild and frantic yelling the boy's name in a panic looking for him. She responded by thanking me for stopping to help, stating that some people would've just kept running by. She said to me, "It's nice to know that there are still some people out there putting faith back into humanity".
Those words rang in my head all the way back to the office. I'm going to call DMPD tomorrow and ask if the little guy's family had been located or if someone has come forward.
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